


Because You’re Not Alone

by Moshi516



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:17:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16647059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moshi516/pseuds/Moshi516
Summary: Deals with management of mental disorder and diseases,ptsd and the support system. Main character is Ohkura Tadayoshi. Touches on some real life facts about Kanjani8 but some points are exaggerated.





	1. Breathe-Lee Hi

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not take anything in this fic as a fact. This is based on what he wrote on his Jweb dated 181108 but we never fully know if he is officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression & is receiving treatment for it or not. But if it is an official diagnosis (since he said he got told that it's stress related disease), I hope he's in a proper support system & treatment!

He saw him rubbing his hands, not realizing that it’s become red as he goes through the rehearsal video for their upcoming concert. He saw his expression becomes increasingly frustrated as he saw mistakes, imperfections that probably nobody else notice.

And then the phone rings, a call from Osaka, staff from Kansai juniors concert, asking for reconfirmation about something just to be sure but he saw him took that as a mistake and he heard him apologize through the phone a few times. The caller laughed it off and end it in a good note. But he saw him piling that up on his ‘list of mistakes’ in his mind and he saw his expression crumbled into frustration.

“Yasu… I think I probably shouldn’t have attempted to produce the concert for them in the first place. I keep on making mistakes for our own concerts and here I am thinking that I could teach them and help them. The kids didn’t deserve this. They probably get to shine more under professional concert producers-“

Yasu grabbed Ohkura by the shoulder and look into his eyes. Ohkura was startled into silence. Yasu is rarely rough with anyone and he was expecting a scolding is coming up.

“Ohkura, look into my eyes…” Ohkura nodded tentatively.

“Take a deep breath…”

“Hold it…”

“And let it go slowly…”

“Let’s do it once again…”

He felt Ohkura’s shoulder sags as the tenseness slipped from his form.

“Do you feel clearer now?” Silently, Ohkura nodded.

“Good. Because I don’t want to let anxiety take away your achievement away from you. You’re doing well Tacchon. Everybody makes mistakes but not everybody keeps on wanting to improve on it like you. Yes, this is the first time you produce someone’s concert and true, there’s probably a lot more that you need to learn in order to make it better but, I don’t want to let your anxiety win and take away the look of pride beaming from the 50 juniors that you’re producing. They are all allowed to shine with their own ability, not having to be someone else that they’re not under your guidance. Tacchon, the way they look up at you when you’re watching them at concert is like a child looking up at their parents and saying, “Look dad! I did it!!””

He move his hand to hold his best friends hands.

“You’re not doing it perfectly, sure, it’s true. But, you’re doing well Tacchon. You’re doing well.”

He saw a vulnerable smile tentatively appear on his friend’s face and heard a quiet thank you. And it felt like the biggest achievement in the world to him today, to get his friend who had been with him through thick and thin to smile for today.

 

 

(Lee Hi Breathe Credit:<https://lyricstranslate.com/en/breathe-breathe.html-3>)

_It’s alright if you run out of breath_

_No one will blame you_

_It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes_

_Because anyone can do so_

_Although comforting by saying it’s alright_

_Are just words_

 


	2. Shelter-Corrine May

He had thought from the very beginning that this plan seems to sound like it falls under VERY BAD IDEA but Ohkura said it’s okay, that he could do it. He’s proud of him, he sure is, but he do think that it’s way too early and too fast and that Ohkura is trying to chew more than what he could. He said out his opposing opinion, pointing out brutally on the “Let’s not” of this plan and he saw him facing him with a decisive eye saying he understand but he’d like to try.

He gave out a sigh of frustration and annoyance and left the room with a “Whatever” leaving his lips. He went to the smoking room, sighing as he think that he’s probably hurting him with his reaction but damn it, whether it’s Subaru, Yasu or Ohkura or Murakami-kun, they all are too stubborn for their own good. He fought tooth and nails to get Subaru-kun to stay not because he didn’t believe in his dreams but because somewhere deep within him, he didn’t want Subaru-kun to go somewhere far where he couldn’t protect him. He fought with Murakami-kun about Murakami-kun’s crazy 27 hours tv schedule and look at what happen. He fought with Yasu to ditch this idea of standing on stage when he’s still so unwell but Yasu stubbornly stick to his decision. He was so exhausted and in pain after each performance though that Ryo felt like he’s being shot in the foot every damn time.

And now, Ohkura. He’s just starting his treatment for his panic attacks and depression. A part of it is due to the stalker case that he’s currently facing but Ryo felt like this is just a final trigger for the disease to fully erupt. They all had recognized that Ohkura displays characteristics of mental vulnerability even back when they were juniors. But they all chalk it up to ‘moods’ and ‘childhood earthquake post traumatic stress disorder’ and he never really get a treatment for this earlier on. The psychiatrist that’s treating Ohkura had cautioned them against bringing Ohkura into close contact with people unfamiliar to him for the time being.

The things that the stalker had said and done to Ohkura had done a lot of damage to his psyche. He has trouble with his personal space being invaded and body contact. He could control it when he could see that the audience has no way to touch him but the psychiatrist say she’s not sure if Ohkura is ready for arm length contact with the audience for the time being. And yet, the Best Hit Kayousai planned their performance to be WITHIN the audience. They are all out of their mind, especially Ohkura!

Sighing again, he swore that his group members will be the death of him someday.

He went back to their room when it’s close to rehearsal time, quietly going to the stage with the rest of the members. At first the rehearsal seems like it’s going well and okay, he’s starting to think that HE’S the one who’s overreacting about the whole thing during the previous meeting. But then, as they reach the part where they’re walking down the audience seats area (which is currently empty), he heart a sharp intake of breath and a gasp of “Ryo-chan”.

He look back just to see the tallest member of his group crashing down to the ground, holding his throat, gasping, chocking, drowning on a dry land. He rushed to him as he urged the rest of the members to continue and end the rehearsal as planned. The last thing Ohkura need to feel is further guilt for interrupting the staffs schedule. Also, he want him to not be crowded during his panic attack episode. He went down to his knees and pull Ohkura into his arms and he tried to recall all the grounding techniques that he read on the internet after finding out Ohkura’s diagnosis. To be honest, he didn’t know if any of the techniques he read would work out or not. He had never seen Ohkura’s panic attack face to face before unlike the other members.

He’s scared but he tried to calm himself down and put his lips next to Ohkura’s ears and put his hand on Ohkura’s belly. He instructed him to breath in as deeply as he could and release it as slowly as he could. He asked him to repeat it a few times as he asked Ohkura at the same time to name him 5 things that he could see, 4 things that he could hear, 3 things that he could feel and 2 things that he could smell.

It felt like eternity but finally, Ohkura’s panic attack subsided and he guided him to their rest room in the backstage.

And yet, despite the panic attack episode, Ohkura still stubbornly decide that they should stick with the initial plan! Damn! He has only one younger brother in the world and he’s as stubborn as a mule! But the actually performance end smoothly without incident and they had fun and Ohkura was in his full element that Ryo even forgotten to worry about him.

As they sat in the van heading back to their hotel, he received a mail.

“Ryo-chan thank you! I managed to do the actual performance with a complete peace of mind because of you! You made me feel safe and I know I could rely on you, so I had lots of fun without thinking of anything just now!”

And he received another mail

“Don’t be mad at me anymore, please? :’(“

He replied with a short, “I’m not.” And received a “:’D” in reply.

He wrote, “I’m actually proud of what you could do today.” But decided against it and erased it out of embarrassment.

 _I swore I'd be your lifeline_  
_Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone_  
 _I'll listen when nobody gets you_  
 _I'm still standing in your corner_  
 _Waiting by your door_  
 _You don't have to be alone_

(Corrine May-Shelter)


	3. We Still Have Tomorrow-Ulfuls

They sat in the darkness of the van, with Ohkura leaning against him, fast asleep on the backseat. The door slammed open, and he saw Yoko’s pale face greeting them tiredly as he entered the van. Yoko sag tiredly on the chair. He just came back from his meeting regarding the upcoming Kansai TV 60 years anniversary tv show and he went there right after their concert rehearsal.

Maru hands him a bag with a bowl of ramen that Ohkura and him bought for Yoko during their ramen adventure that they just came back from. Yoko quietly thanked him as he glanced at the sleeping youngest member of their group.

“Have you guys eaten?”

“Yeah! The ramen at that restaurant was really awesome!” Maru beamed.

“…Have HE eaten?” In the darkness of the travelling van, Yoko’s eyes are quietly piercing as he stared at Maru. Maru’s smile falter slightly before he nods.

“He managed to eat half of it!”

Yoko nods quietly as he stared down at the bowl of ramen in his hands. Maru know that the ‘eldest brother’ of eito is really worried of their youngest member. Once the treatment for his disorder start, the medication’s side effect wreaks havoc on Ohkura’s appetite. He’s hungry but the medication is making him nauseous and he couldn’t eat. He could only eat when his hunger become so overwhelming that it drowns the nausea. He’s losing weight fast and from the SNS, Maru knew that the fans are noticing Ohkura’s lost weight too. The psychiatrist assures them that the side effect is temporary, and his nausea would gradually subside as he adjusts to the medication but still.

“It feels like yesterday that we went for adventures in Hokkaido and him finishing curry rice, ramen and fried rice in the span of four hours…” Yoko’s low voice pierced through the quietness of the van. Maru frowned.

“Yokocho, don’t do this to yourself. Stop blaming yourself for ‘not seeing the signs earlier’. This is a first for all of us so there’s really no use for us to be regretting the past anymore. You’ve fought hard enough for increased protection and security for all of the members. You’ve done what you could do Yokocho…”

He heard a sigh and a quiet “I guess so…” from the eldest member. Trying to change the atmosphere, he talked about today’s ramen adventure where Ohkura manged to eat more than half bowl of the ramen before making him finish the rest. However, Ohkura likes to add a lot of spicy ingredients into his ramen while Maru doesn’t like spicy food. He complains to Yoko about Kura’s amusement and laughter as he watches Maru whining from the spiciness of his ramen.

“But you know what Yokocho, I didn’t expect him to eat that much today! So I’m sure that by tomorrow, he could finish one whole bowl of ramen already!”

 _Someday surely, someday surely_  
_You'll come to understand this._  
 _there's always tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day._

(Ashita Ga Aru Sa-Ulfuls Credit: https://utau-inu.com/centj/translations/ashitagaarusa_ulfuls.htm)


End file.
